Day Two of “America Held Hostage”

Rumor has it a press strike is keeping the Times from finding its rightful spot at Homer’s Variety (and the entire region, for that matter) two days in a row now. I am, of course, unable to verify this tip because I can’t buy the newspaper and there’s simply no other way to get the information. Can anyone out there tell me how else to find out?

No, don’t. That was just a little joke for the benefit of those who still believe I don’t have this whole internets thing figured out yet.

A helpful friend asks if doing the puzzle on newsprint is that much better than printing out the Across Lite file. [Note to those outside the tribe: Across Lite is the software that allows us to solve the crossword puzzle on a computer.] When I went on to explain that I have an irrational, costly, old-fashioned desire to possess the daily paper and complete the puzzle printed therein as God intended it, said friend came up with a truly brilliant solution: “Well, you could buy newsprint paper and print the puzzle on that and paste it over a puzzle in an old newspaper…”

One quibble with “Beer festival mo.”=OCT. What about the fact that Oktoberfest is actually held in September? (I’ve always believed this is a by-product of the conversion from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar, although that theory suddenly seems a little suspicious, because that same calendrical conversion is the reason why the October Revolution is now commemorated in November. October either becomes September or November, but you can’t have it both ways, can you? Since the adoption of the Gregorian calendar required losing 13 days, I’m beginning to think that means it really can’t have anything to do with why Germans get drunk a month earlier than they’re supposed to. Okay, folks, this adds yet another question to the mix: what is the real reason for premature Oktoberfest? The need for instant gratification?)

But really, the pressing question of the week remains unsatisfyingly answered: what qualities make the New York Times puzzle so superior? (Where’s Francis when you need him?) Don’t force me to resort to lame prizes. Here, let me prime the pump a little more. I think it has almost nothing to do with how hard they are, since the New York Sun puzzles are equally challenging, yet, to my taste, seem difficult for the sake of difficulty and tend to produce fewer Ah! experiences (as opposed to Aha! experiences).